What do you get if you cross a bee with a handbell?
a humdinger.

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What do you get if you cross a piece of paper with two famous composers?
A Chopin Listz.

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What do you get if you cross a succesful book with perfume.
A best smeller.

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What do you get if you cross a journalist with a hunting dog?
A newshound.

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What do you call a Roman emperor with flu?
Julius Sneezer.

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What do you call a pop group made up of animal doctors?
Vet, Vet, Vet.

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What do you call a poster advertising the last teddy for sale?
A one ted poster.

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What do you get if you cross a soccer team with a bunch of crazy jokers?
Mad jester united.

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What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?
A brush with the law.

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What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

What do you call a ghost who only haunts the Town Hall?
The nightmayor.

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What do you get if you cross a sheep-dog and a buch of daises?
A collie-flower.

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What do you get if you cross a burglar with a concrete mixer?
A hardened criminal.

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What do you get if you cross an insect and a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny.

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What do you call an egg that loves playing tricks?
A practical yolker.

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What do you call a very tidy woman?
Anita House.

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What do the police call it when they watch a vampire's castle?
A stake out.

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What do you get if you cross an octopus with a cow?
An animal that can milk itself.
 
QUICK FUNNIES
What do you get if you cross a bee with a handbell?
a humdinger.
What do you get if you cross a piece of paper with two famous composers?
A Chopin Listz.
What do you get if you cross a succesful book with perfume.
A best smeller.
What do you get if you cross a journalist with a hunting dog?
A newshound.
What do you call a Roman emperor with flu?
Julius Sneezer.
What do you call a pop group made up of animal doctors?
Vet, Vet, Vet.
What do you get if you cross a soccer team with a bunch of crazy jokers?
Mad jester united.
What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?
A brush with the law.
What do you call a ghost who only haunts the Town Hall?
The nightmayor.
What do you get if you cross an octopus with a cow?
An animal that can milk itself.
What do the police call it when they watch a vampire's castle?
A stake out.
 
ODD NOTICES IN PUBLIC PLACES
 

1) SIGN IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE:
Bargain basement upstairs.

2) NOTICE SENT TO RESIDENTS OF A WILT SHIRE PARISH:
Due to increasing problems with litter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.

3) NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER's WINDOW:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

4) SIGN IN A LAUNDROMAT:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

5) IN AN OFFICE:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board

6) SIGN ON MOTORWAY GARAGE:
Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is

7) SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK
Elephants please stay in your car

8) SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor blind persons crossing

9) NOTICE IN A FIELD:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges

10) MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons

11) SIGN ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

12) SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below

  
   
 
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